Today, I found myself in a friendly and thought-provoking debate with a friend of mine. She’s a warm, kind-hearted, brilliant, and beautiful woman, and our conversation revolved around a topic that often sparks lively discussions: the differences in how men and women are valued in society, particularly in the context of relationships. She argued that women are more accepting of men with "dad bods" and that women don’t inherently have value just for existing. My counterpoint? Women do have value simply for existing, while men, on the other hand, often have to create their value through their actions, achievements, and character.
This debate wasn’t about who’s right or wrong but rather about exploring the nuances of how society perceives men and women differently. Let’s dive into the key points of our discussion.
The Value of Women: Born, Not Built
My argument is rooted in the idea that women are born with value. From a societal perspective, women are often seen as inherently valuable simply because they exist. This isn’t to say that women don’t work hard or achieve great things of course, they do. But even in the absence of external accomplishments, women are often celebrated for their femininity, beauty, and nurturing qualities. These traits are seen as intrinsic, requiring no external validation.
For example, consider how men often approach relationships. Many men are willing to date or hook up with women regardless of their physical shape or societal status. A woman doesn’t need to have a six-figure salary, a perfect body, or a long list of achievements to be considered desirable. Her value, in many cases, is tied to her existence as a woman. This isn’t a criticism—it’s an observation of how traditional gender dynamics have shaped our perceptions of worth.
The Value of Men: Built, Not Born
On the flip side, men are often socialized to believe that their value must be earned. From a young age, boys are taught that their worth is tied to their ability to provide, protect, and achieve. A man’s value is often measured by his career success, financial stability, physical strength, and confidence. In relationships, this means that men are expected to bring something to the table beyond their mere existence.
This dynamic becomes even more apparent when we talk about physical appearance. While women may claim to be more accepting of men with "dad bods," this acceptance is often contingent on the man possessing other qualities. A man with a dad bod might still need to be funny, ambitious, kind, or financially secure to be considered attractive. In other words, his physical appearance might be forgiven, but only if he compensates with other traits that "create value."
Are Women More Likely to Accept a Man with a Dad Bod?
This brings us to the crux of the debate: Are women more likely to accept a man with a dad bod than men are to accept a woman who is out of shape? My answer is yes—but with a caveat. Women may be more forgiving of a man’s physical imperfections, but this forgiveness often comes with the expectation that he brings other qualities to the table. A man with a dad bod might still need to be emotionally available, financially stable, or ambitious to be considered a desirable partner.
Men, on the other hand, are often more willing to accept women as they are. A woman doesn’t need to have a perfect body or a high-powered career to be considered attractive. Her value is seen as inherent, tied to her femininity and the simple fact that she is a woman. This isn’t to say that men don’t appreciate women with ambition or other qualities, but those traits are often seen as bonuses rather than necessities.
In short, while women may be more accepting of physical imperfections in men, they often have higher expectations in other areas. Men, meanwhile, are more likely to overlook a woman’s physical imperfections simply because they value her existence as a woman.
The Double Standard in Relationships
One of the most interesting aspects of this debate is the double standard it reveals in how men and women approach relationships. Women often have a longer list of criteria for what makes a man desirable he needs to be emotionally available, financially stable, ambitious, and maybe even have a good sense of humor. Physical appearance might not be at the top of the list, but it’s rarely the only factor.
Men, on the other hand, are often more willing to accept women as they are. A woman doesn’t need to have a perfect body or a long list of achievements to be considered attractive. Her value is seen as inherent, tied to her femininity and the simple fact that she is a woman. This isn’t to say that men don’t appreciate women with ambition or other qualities, but those traits are often seen as bonuses rather than necessities.
Why This Matters
This dynamic isn’t just about dating preferences it reflects deeper societal norms and expectations. Women are often celebrated for their intrinsic qualities, while men are judged by their external achievements. This can create pressure on both sides: women may feel that their value is tied solely to their appearance or femininity, while men may feel that they must constantly prove their worth through their actions.
Understanding these dynamics is important because it allows us to challenge outdated stereotypes and create more equitable relationships. Men and women both have inherent value, and that value shouldn’t be tied solely to societal expectations or traditional gender roles.
Final Thoughts
but our debate left me with a lot to think about. Yes, women are often more accepting of men with dad bods, but that acceptance usually comes with the expectation that the man brings other qualities to the table. And yes, women do have value just for existing, while men are often expected to create their value through their actions and achievements.
This isn’t about placing blame or perpetuating stereotypes, it’s about understanding the societal norms that shape our perceptions of worth. By recognizing these dynamics, we can work toward a world where everyone feels valued for who they are, not just for what they bring to the table.
Stay Masculine! 💪🏽
-J.Moreno🫶🏽
Disclaimer: This blog post is meant to spark thoughtful discussion and is not intended to generalize or diminish anyone’s experiences. Everyone’s value is unique and multifaceted, and societal norms are constantly evolving. Let’s approach these conversations with empathy and an open mind.